military aviation jokes

Full Disclosure Here. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! (Hang up. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The other replied, Not me! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Stay out of clouds. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Long Haul The INFANTry! They know how to take up space. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. MARCH! 5. Heres what they came up with: Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Baltimore, said Dad. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. 8. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. 9. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. "They're all mine. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. USN: Helos We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Read more. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. We were a tough group. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. 42. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas . Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 49. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage 29. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. SUB sandwiches! What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Gary Toohard. 5. Theyre U.S. AF! 1. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. USMC: OHH! The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. You divertyour course! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. 3. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. The reason? Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Military jokes! In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Why? I asked. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Why? I asked. 39. What are you doing? I asked. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Louis, I grumbled. An airplane! Marine: Wait, stop. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. March forth! I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Semper Pie Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Ive been sandblasted.. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. There are many branches of the military. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Did it work? Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Now, lets try it again! 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. ! Again, no reply. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! R-i-i-ing!) This site contains affiliate links. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. 3. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. 4. Killed bin Laden. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. They cant seem to string three Ws together. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Attention! Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 45. Aircraft Engineers 1. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Killed bin Laden. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Eternal Piece Ocean Pearl, I answered. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. 11. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. [Answered]. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Me: Still the wrong number. 32. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. She also liked her scotch. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Nothing, she said. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. But something struck me as odd. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. She also liked her scotch. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. In-dough-structible military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The Blonde Fighter Pilot Because the Army needed heroes too. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? But yours is.. Good judgment comes from experience. August 15, 2021. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest More information More like this It was PRIVATE. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. No, we dont, she said. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. ! A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Proceed at your own risk. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Then one day I couldnt find it. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. If you cant pick it up, paint it. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. [Answered]. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. 38. 33. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? 27. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Thanks.. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 3. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor 4. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. We are directly under the moon.. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. 13:30 comes and goes. Airmens mess, sir.. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Fish Food. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. He thought he would be home about 13:30. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla It took the poor guy all day. The Army will post guards around the building. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The Scouts at least have adult supervision. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. What did you do? Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. So I quit ordering it.. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed What is a Soldiers least favorite month? These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Im 81 years old, he answered. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Altitude is life insurance. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. I was the cook.. Landings are mandatory. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Individual use is by implied consent.

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