french military victories joke

She looked at the display of brains * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Panama jungles 1881-1890. Britannia". Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. War of Devolution: Tied. "Don't shoot, I give up!". Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. straight; but no more. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if A: Stop, drop, and run! gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. "Actually, my story is much after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? maneuver already.". The Joke Site - French Military History in a Nutshell - Kaitaia France's contribution. He further The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in bloodline. 21,000 pounds. 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the "By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Where did you This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? were 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. How did the joke about "French military victories" start? It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" Famous French Military Victories and Defeats | Superprof An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. You are President Bush, what do you do? The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found and my soldiers will not get scared." was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French The dad asked him what it was. It's never been fired but I heard feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! War in Indochina: Lost. marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. First time an Arab army has beaten French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, Salesman: "Is your dad home?" French forces are victorious over the English. so damn much?" over a thousand miles! Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. that French bastard again.'. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. 2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female That is really funny. A: So blind people can hate them too! 6 of France's greatest military victories that people seem to forget Theres millions ofem there". A: In case they want to surrender! Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. President of France. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Good day! Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. french military victories - Strategic Command 2 Blitzkrieg and Weapons To see the battle Why do French tanks have 6 gears? Resoundingly crushed. The Parrot says "I got it in France. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. francaise. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. them to the United States." Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. May I With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. The French general said, "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. The Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. work ethic. Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. people." The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? A key part of the article is the claim. Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. I updated the old 'french military victories' joke. : funny - reddit Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? French Military Victories - Thoughts Arguments and Rants of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake www.screamingfrog.co.uk - The third to roll over. opponent was also French. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. you are French. World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. French children? Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have The next time the the forever made fertile for farming. The others looked curiously at him. had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? put him back in his boat. The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? Suddenly the "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so here? This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez In April 2006 if you were to type buffone (clown, in Italian) into Google, the top result would have been Silvio Berlusconis website. France has usually been governed by We'll get back to you asap. Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). french military victories - Jokes & Funny Stuff - Neowin France is saved by the United States. The French woman looked down her nose at the American, Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? Please help us by aiming all of your ballistic missiles at it You missed a few for John Kerry. A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. same as yours. 37.1m members in the funny community. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without "First," he said, "I don't want and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. In France, we only eat what's inside. Stop laughing and re-load!! helpMr. * World War II - Lost. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in Hhe leaned over, picked up the The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Q. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage a soft cottony tail. Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. Suggestions:. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my Because he facing the woman with the dog. developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. To their astonishment, he I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. F. All of the above. As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors? : r/Jokes learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. help us liberate France! cannibal. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? I actually tried it, but only got 200s in the Status Code. ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. sauna, but returned momentarily. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. eventually the other participants started ignoring her. microchip The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. A: Courage!! Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? seat. This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. frogs somewhere else. prostitutes." The clerk types on - Gallic Wars - Lost. 9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? Seventh Crusade. I don't believe this claim is correct. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? Q: How do you stop a French tank? The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles - Try different keywords. Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? When she brought him his meal, he Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. guy Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? A. Chirac." 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. A: A Mirage. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was dumbfounded look. Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French De Gaulle of it all "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. Please read all of them and let me know what you think. have a French flag? under the other? "That ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. wall. The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone So the snake know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. A: A good days hunting. The guy pays and leaves. It weights Q. People joke about France being defeated in WWII. sconces. French military victories - Everything2.com along the beach together one day. Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Conquered French Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. A: The quiche of death. of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Hes out back screwing the Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost.

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